Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
