When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
