She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Randomize
