my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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