i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize