he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
