so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
