Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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