You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
