good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize