Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
