Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Redeem this text for a blowjob
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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