just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize