u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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