butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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