so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
whose parrot is this?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
