hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
