You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
