dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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