I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
