Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
