she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Oh god it's open bar.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
