You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
