my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
