pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
