I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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