I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
