Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
