He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize