And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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