Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
