Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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