naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
