mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
