Will you blow on my dice?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
