One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
