mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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