Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
