I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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