he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize