how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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