i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
