Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We need to get me chipped asap
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
