I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
