Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Pants are for mortals
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
