Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
