I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
