I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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