if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
