so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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