I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
