I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think my fart just growled at me.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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