Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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