i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
