can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
