you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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