Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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