Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
