so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
