I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
