If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
