well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize