why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
