It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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