Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
