Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
