I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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