Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
