Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
