well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
