my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
