Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize