was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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