so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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