smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
