We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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