So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
