I can text with my tongue
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
